Starting and ending with grace

Beginnings & Endings

I was 8 months pregnant with my second child when my sister died. She had been ill with a malignant brain tumour for a few years and was in the last stages of her life while I was pregnant. I felt very conflicted because although I was thrilled to be having my second child, I was preparing myself for the death of my sister. It was a challenging and stressful time for me and I was very concerned about my unborn child. On some level I knew that my emotional state would effect the baby and this feeling often caused me more stress.

I was also preparing to deliver naturally because my first child had been a C-section and the doctor had told me that I would never be able to deliver naturally. Not a good thing to tell me because when someone tells me I can’t do something my response if often, “Watch Me!” I felt healthy physically and had had a great pregnancy. I had eaten very well, kept my weight in check, walked all the time, started yoga, and really focused on my breathing. Emotionally, I struggled at times because my sister was my best friend and I couldn’t imagine a life without her in it. I also couldn’t imagine a life where she wouldn’t be here for my children. At times I wished that everything would be over so that life could return to “normal.” As I learned later on, nothing would be “normal” again. My life as I knew it was never going to be the same. The winds of change were coming whether I wanted them to or not.

When she died I wasn’t really prepared. On one level I was happy that she would not be suffering anymore and would finally be able to find peace. She and I had had long talks about the non-physical realms and we had shared what we believed would happen after death. We both believed that being on earth is like going to school and when you have completed all your lessons it is time to leave. Our soul would still exist on some level and continue on in its ascension.

This was all fine and good but I missed my sister. I missed everything about her. I also didn’t have a safe space to express what I was feeling. My family had never been too interested in what someone was feeling and when she died that went too. There really wasn’t anyone to share my grief with and emotionally I struggled.

Five weeks after my sister died my beautiful daughter was born. I was able to deliver her naturally which has been the most empowering experience of my life. I saw her as a beautiful gift, a blessing for me during a sad time. One of the many blessings of a baby is that they live in the present moment and so do you. A baby is hungry, crying, needs to be changed and the list goes on and on. And you on the other hand, are so busy so you get pulled along with life.

My daughter and sister are connected. That I know for sure. My sister died 27 years ago and my daughter was born 27 years ago. When I look back on this time I describe it as “bittersweet”. The beautiful and painful lessons of the Circle of Life. The closing of one door and the opening of another. Ones’ life ending while another’s is beginning. This experience happened to me in five short weeks. A beginning and an ending practically merging together.

The Circle of Life will never end. It is in constant motion and always evolving. And so are we. It taught me to embrace and cherish every moment and not to have regrets. One’s time on earth is very short and to see it as a gift.

About Robyn Wyman

Robyn Wyman is a life transition healer and calls herself a “death doula.” She is passionate about supporting people to move beyond grief to find more peace and balance in their lives during or after experiencing death. She does this through her proprietary and holistic model of healing, which includes modalities like natural remedies, energy medicine, and coaching.

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